Fostering Open Dialogue: Introducing Committee Rules of Engagement

At ACEC Wisconsin, we recognize that creating an inclusive, respectful, and safe space for dialogue is critical to achieving our Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion goals. To support this, our Diversity & Inclusion Committee developed a set of "Rules of Engagement" designed to guide our conversations and ensure that all voices are heard. These guidelines were developed to help our members foster understanding, encourage open communication, and create an environment where everyone feels empowered to share their perspectives.  The D&I Committee is dedicated to creating a space where members can engage in meaningful dialogue, even on challenging or uncomfortable topics. By establishing clear expectations, the Rules of Engagement help maintain a respectful and productive environment. 

Rules of Engagement for All Committee Members

• One person speaks at a time. This ensures that all members are given the space to express their thoughts without interruption.
• Speak openly and honestly from your own perspective. Do not speak for anyone else or ask anyone to speak on behalf of a community.  While you may have a wealth of experience, others from your same community may have different perspectives.  Similarly, comments and statements from others should be taken as their own personal experiences.  
• Practice active listening. Listen with the intent to understand, not just to respond.  Thinking about your answer or response means you may not be focused on what they’re saying.  Active listening helps deepen connections and clarifies misunderstandings.
• Ask questions from a place of curiosity for the other person’s perspective - remember that respectful disagreement can lead to healthy dialogue. Engage with others respectfully, especially when you disagree. Asking thoughtful questions like “Can you tell me more?” or “Could you expand on what you mean?” fosters healthier, more constructive dialogue.
• Use the chat and reaction features during virtual meetings. These tools can signal that you have something to add without interrupting the flow of conversation.
• Mistakes can happen despite the best intentions. While good intentions are important, they don't exclude you from making mistakes.  Some people may have other perspectives that conflict with your intentions.  
  • Be mindful of how you express your views and remain open to feedback.
  • Be willing to address misunderstandings and learn from them.
  • If you feel offended or slighted, speak up and share your feelings so that the issue can be addressed in the moment.
• Take actions that allow you to be fully present. Disengaging from distractions such as phones, notifications, or multitasking allows for deeper participation and active involvement in the discussion.

Download the Rules of Engagement 

Why Assuming Good Intentions Can Be Counterproductive

While assuming good intentions is often seen as a way to foster kindness and prevent misunderstandings, it can sometimes hinder meaningful dialogue. When we are told we must assume someone’s intentions are good, we might be less likely to address behaviors or statements that are hurtful or problematic.  This can stifle open discussion, as it discourages members from expressing when they feel offended or slighted, thereby undermining the trust and safety needed for productive conversations.

The racial and social justice author and professor Robin DiAngelo explains the dangers associated with the “Assume Good Intentions” guideline in her book White Fragility.

“Assume good intentions: By emphasizing intentions over impact, this guideline privileges the intentions of the aggressor over the impact of their behavior on the target. In so doing, the aggressor’s intentions become the most important issue. In essence, this guideline tells victims that as long as there was no intention to cause harm, they need to let go of the hurt and move on.” 

While this statement was made specifically in reference to racism and white privilege, the risks associated with telling people to “assume good intentions” apply to all manners of dialogue and discussion.  

Intentions behind words or actions do not always align with the results or impacts of those words or actions.  For example, if I throw a ball and it breaks your window, perhaps I didn’t INTEND to break your window, but the damage has still been done, and I should take responsibility for that, apologize, and replace the window.  Similarly, if my words or actions harm someone else, regardless of whether I INTENDED to do harm, I DID do harm and I should take responsibility, listen to the feedback provided, and apologize.  If I’m genuinely invested in learning and growing, I should actively WANT feedback so that I can gain new insights and try to do better in the future.  

In DEI work, it’s critical that we move beyond assumptions and engage directly with the impact of words and actions. Good intentions do not eliminate the potential for harm, and it is essential to create space for members to express their feelings and concerns without being dismissed. By focusing on the impact rather than just intentions, we encourage accountability and open the door for learning and growth.

Takeaways & Conclusions

The Rules of Engagement are key to creating a space where we can work together to promote diversity, equity, and inclusion. These guidelines remind us that respectful, open, and honest communication is fundamental to achieving our collective goals. They also challenge us to remain present, listen actively, and engage in conversations that deepen our understanding of each other’s perspectives.  In addition to being shared and incorporated into ACEC Wisconsin meetings and discussion, consider how might you try to incorporate these guidelines into your own interactions with others both professionally and personally.  

You may want to consider the following questions:

• How might I use these Rules of Engagement with my own teams to deepen our inclusion and participation?
• What opportunities do I have to shift my own and my team’s focus from intentions to impacts?  
• How will I engage in conversations where the phrase “that wasn’t my intent” may be used to avoid accountability, potentially stifling inclusion, learning, and growth?

With these principles guiding our discussions, the ACEC Wisconsin D&I Committee and all ACEC Wisconsin members can continue to drive meaningful progress towards a more inclusive and equitable future for our industry.

About the Guest Blogger

Alex Motl, PE, PTOE, RSP1 is the Traffic Engineering Team Lead at GRAEF.  She works on a variety of public and private sector infrastructure work, focusing on improving transportation operations and safety for users of all ages and abilities and all modes.  Alex is also a member of GRAEF’s Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Council.  Additionally, she is a member of ACEC Wisconsin’s Diversity & Inclusion Committee and is member of the Leadership Institute Class of 2025.

About the Diversity & Inclusion Committee

Interested in continuing the conversation? Consider joining ACEC Wisconsin’s Diversity & Inclusion Committee. Committee membership is open to all employees of member firms. We meet virtually approximately every other month. Contact ACEC Wisconsin to learn more.